WHERE MCCARVER AT?

Blood Money

Mar 6

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 2 Comments

This week’s biggest “I don’t give a f**k news-splosion,”  is the Gregg Williams bounty crap, and you have no one to blame for it but yourself, America.

Not since the halcyon days of ESPN calling Curt Schilling for his worthless, ill-considered opinion on anything have I cared less about a news story, but this bounty foolishness just won’t die, and with the NFL slated to hand down its “punishment” in very near future I don’t expect it to end any time soon.  This story is so horrifically resilient that for the fourth consecutive business day AND Saturday I had to hear about it on every single sportstalk show AND I LISTEN TO ALL OF THEM.

Stop listening to them then?

No.

No, I will not.

I refuse to change the way I live my life because of the stupidity of others, and even though the constant throughput of everyone’s “really good opinion” makes me vomit just a little in my mouth each time I hear it, I’m not quitting. Read the rest of this entry »

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White People (Well, Probably Not All White People) Are Pretty Racist

Feb 16

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Basketball | 11 Comments

Let’s agree on one thing at the outset:

Floyd Mayweather is an asshole.

Floyd Mayweather beats women.  Floyd Mayweather runs his mouth constantly– unfortunately because he’s refused to fight anyone talented enough to shut it for him to date he’ll likely continue to do so with the marked exception of his upcoming prison term.

Floyd Mayweather’s decision-making is spotty at best; he makes a career out of punching and being punched in the face.  As a result of the likely brain damage Mayweather’s suffered alone, along with all of his other many flaws, he’s not someone whose opinions I would describe as being “really smart” or “well thought out.”

On the other hand, the Sun even shines on a dog’s ass, which is to say that a broken clock is still right two times a day, or substitute any other folksy way to convey the idea that anybody can stumble ass-backward into being right once and a while.

That’s what happened with Mayweather the other day when he said that all this Jeremy Lin hype is just because he’s Asian.

In a sense, I agree with him.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Clichés: They’re Like Sexual Assault… on My Brain

Feb 7

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 5 Comments

Prologue:

I’ve gone roughly two weeks now without a posting, and that’s just flat-out inexcusable. I don’t know if I’m bored, depressed or if I just can’t muster the will to care in this long, grey, though oddly warm, winter of my discontent, but I just got a text from my old pal Ivan admonishing me to publish or perish… and he’s right.

He’s a dick, but he’s right.

My latest plan was to write a piece about the silver lining of the impending end of the football season. How the coda to a long year brought with it a merciful end to atrocious announcing. My plan was to publish on Saturday so that while we all suffered through Madonna’s uninspired halftime show we could think to ourselves, “Hey… bonus… no more of Shannon Sharpe’s terrifying voice and inane jabber.”

Of course, I missed the deadline, but there’s no reason not to publish now; the season’s over; the pain is finally gone… until Tim McCarver comes back and I threaten at the top of my lungs to saw my own tongue off with a steak knife and choke him to death with it.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Learning From Coach…

Jan 24

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 1 Comment

I intended to write a mopey, somewhat self-pitying piece about Coach Paterno’s passing.

I’m not going to do that.

People die.  They really do; it happens every day.  Check your newspaper if you don’t believe me.

In the piece I was going to write, I was going to tell the story of the first time I “met” Coach Paterno.

I started out writing about that day and the whole thing went so damn sappy and pear-shaped that I wiped out the whole chunk.  I’ve failed twice since, too.

I’m still going to tell you about it.  I’m just going to do it without being a pussy about it.

I was a senior at Penn State in 2007.  I lived in Washington, D.C., and on weekends I drove back to State College.  Josette was there, and my buddies, Andy and Eric, with whom I did campus radio wheedled a press pass to the football games out of some foolish S.I.D. geek for me. Read the rest of this entry »

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Violation of Public Trust

Jan 13

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 7 Comments

I listened to Colin Cowherd today, and I got irritated.

 

What irritated me had nothing to do with any specific opinion of his; or rather, it wasn’t Cowherd with whom I was irritated.  What irritated me was the proposition that the Jacksonville Jaguars were angling toward a move out of town perceivably to greener pastures in Los Angeles.

 

So why would I, or anyone else for that matter considering Jacksonville’s abysmal fan support, care if the Jaguars leave for LA?

 

My irritation is a function of politics and public finance.

 

I’m irritated at the way scumbag owners poke unwitting taxpayers in their naughty places with enormous stadium bills and then giggle themselves silly at raking in boatloads of cash while avoiding any investment risk whatsoever. Read the rest of this entry »

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An Issue of Relevancy

Jan 6

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 3 Comments

Relevancy.

Penn State hired a new head football coach, a lot of people seem pretty unhappy about it, and it really boils down to relevancy. What I mean by relevancy is: how relevant are your complaints – in terms of whether they really matter or not, and how relevant is Penn State in the grand scheme of college football.

These ideas came to me this morning. By the time I woke up, the producers at SportsCenter were blazing reactions to the hiring of Patriots Offensive Coordinator Bill O’Brien across the bottom line. For ESPN, the O’Brien hiring is only the second half of the centerfold tumbling unbundled in what’s been a long masturbatory fit known colloquially as “the Penn State Scandal”… so at first, I nearly missed what the nonsense rolling along under the Penn St. heading was saying. I was surprised to find the reactions to the hiring were negative. Especially, the gripes of a Penn State great. Read the rest of this entry »

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What I learned on My trip to Dallas…

Jan 4

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | No Comments

I went to Dallas to the TicketCity Bowl.  I’d considered writing a travel log and then I realized, “Wow, travel logs be mad douchey yo.”  As a result, I’m not writing a travel log, but instead a “Stuff I Learned on My Trip to a Bowl Game in Dallas” piece.  With that in mind… consider that this piece is observational and has multiple points since it’s really several things that stuck out over the last few days.

First Things First…

Bring Cash

There are two long-standing rules I adhere to religiously when I travel.  They’re stupid rules that always come back to bite me in the ass, but they’re a part of who I am now, and I’m not going back, so tough shit if you don’t like them.

Rule the first – All trips less than 15 hours shall be driven not flown.  Reasoning? Based on where I live – two hours from the nearest reasonable airport – I’d need to leave my house 4 hours before any flight departure.  Considering delays, layovers, luggage crap, car rental, et cetera, even a relatively short flight becomes a grinding, all-day affair.  As such, I drive so I can listen to sports-talk, piss at my convenience and fart with impunity. Read the rest of this entry »

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Deep Into the Holiday Season and Still Getting it Twisted

Dec 24

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | No Comments

I’ve officially had my mind blown again, and as usual, it’s a perspective thing.

 

San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee, facing the possibility of hosting an NFL playoff game in a few weeks, is working conscientiously to ensure that the lights will stay on at Candlestick Park and to avoid another “national embarrassment.”

 

You read that right… NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.

 

After the loss of power at Candlestick on Monday night, Ed Lee called the incident a “national embarrassment.”

 

The thing is, I, personally, kind of felt like this was a first-world problem, the sort of thing that ranks right up there priority-wise with a delayed space shuttle launch.

  Read the rest of this entry »

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Ohio Determined Not To Be Completely Useless After All

Dec 20

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football, Oddities and Erotica | 6 Comments

Let this be a lesson to you about harsh judgments and rash decisions.

About ten years ago I had a brilliant idea for how to solve our “Ohio” problem.

What I mean is, and you probably already know where I’m going with this but for those not 100% sure, Ohio has no perceivable purpose.  Not one.  Not by any estimation that I’ve ever been able to contrive.  So as a result of that, coupled with Ohio’s general offensiveness I concocted a scheme.  Some might call it a master plan.

The idea was to run a concrete wall in the shape of an inverted V roughly around the borders of Ohio, and post armed guards at ¼ or ½ mile intervals.  Of course, there’d have also been the standard seismic devices to detect tunneling along with radar monitoring and Air Cavalry patrols to keep the “citizens” of Ohio from flying out, too.  The pièce de résistance – for people from Ohio this roughly translates to “best part” – was a wholly suspended Interstate 70 that ran the length of the former state, so as not to inconvenience anyone driving cross country, equipped with squirrel-baffled stanchions to keep the inhabitants below, where they belonged. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Bronco’s Sacrificial Lamb

Dec 18

Posted by Scott Snipkie in Football | 3 Comments

Tim Tebow, Tebowing

Tim Tebow is a powerful character in American pop culture.  Maybe he’s powerful enough to change the way we all think.  As a point of preliminary evidence, he’s so powerful that he made me reconsider the role of Christianity in America.  He made me realize that Christianity is the unquestioned norm in America and that America is set up to embrace viewpoints from Christian perspectives and reject all the rest.  Maybe he can help us all with that.

 

The irony of this coming to me on a Sunday morning doesn’t escape me.  Of course, so much about Tim Tebow is odd that I’ve begun to take a sort of c’est la vie attitude toward all things even tangentially related to him.

 

I woke up following a cookie swap Saturday night of only moderate success – or such it was according to my girlfriend… how any event where I can drink booze and eat cookies is anything other than an immediate success regardless of what’s happening in the background or how many people show up is beyond me – and settled in for my favorite Sunday morning sports talk show.  As a dork, The Sports Reporters is appointment TV.  I especially enjoy the installments including Howard Bryant, and, of course, I love John Saunders – he’s my favorite Canadian after Bubbles of Trailer Park Boys fame. Read the rest of this entry »

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